As I sat on the steps of Rani ki vov in Adalaj, my thoughts went back to the memories I left behind, and few, that I was about to create.
My thoughts were revealing a pattern that I always ignored and it wouldn't let me ignore it anymore...
While sitting in silence on the steps that lead to the well, my thoughts lead me through the dark deep well of my life which has passed me by and forced me to think about my priorities, my dreams and how I picture my life would be...
They reiterated how difficult it is to accept what you have at hand, especially when it is not how you pictured it all along.
It reminded me that, I have somewhere along the way stopped planning how my life should be or how I would want it to be... and that has made me live a freer life than I would have ever imagined...
Always wondered how will it be if I 'let go'... 'let go' of things that imprison me within myself... the compulsions and complications that I create for myself... is it really that hard to live life on your own terms or is it me who makes it all the more difficult to accept myself as I am...
My thoughts took me as far away as those days when I was a giddy headed girl who was too afraid to look beyond what she believed was right, and had blinders on, who didn't allow herself to look beyond her values and principles. A girl who would prefer killing herself from within rather than be open to experiences...
Well I have come a long way from those days, life has taught me some bitter lessons and put me inside a shell which was hard to break... but the same life has now helped me embrace experiences, which I wouldn't normally even consider.
So today I accept the fact that I am an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am afraid of being hurt, but that doesn't mean I will not put myself out there, I can love unconditionally and it is easier for me to express, more than some people, I am compassionate and I hurt as easily as I love, I can't face conflicts, or even ask something that is due to me, I believe in the goodness of others and I am silent... I love the silence but at the same time crave for someone to listen to me and help me clear the webs that have been clogging many parts of my life, but I find it difficult to trust someone with my truths...
I felt happy thinking about the time we stared at the Taj Mahal from the Agra fort and imagined how it would be part of the huge crew that created the magnificent structure... and there was a strong urge that made me pick up the phone and call him... but it was a sign when he said he will call me back. That moment was all it took to remind me that my happiness doesn't depend on anyone, I don't have to always be able to share a moment with someone to make it better (even though it would be great)... the warmth in my heart is all I need to be feel good.. and it is time to make more and different memories...
Then my thoughts drifted to the future, well I don't know what that is going to bring... the only thing I can do is to hope, to have the strenght to face whatever comes with a smile.
Falling in love is so easy... but sustaining the love is the hard part. How do you get out of your own selfish need to be loved or your love to be reciprocated and not think about the larger picture? Well that is what the next chapter of my life is going to teach me. Another truth to accept...
Getting ready for the next phase of my life, I kept telling myself you have 'let go', which may have not been completely true, but all it actually took was sitting in silence and readying myself to accept whatever comes my way, sitting on the steps of Rani Ki Vov...
My thoughts were revealing a pattern that I always ignored and it wouldn't let me ignore it anymore...
While sitting in silence on the steps that lead to the well, my thoughts lead me through the dark deep well of my life which has passed me by and forced me to think about my priorities, my dreams and how I picture my life would be...
They reiterated how difficult it is to accept what you have at hand, especially when it is not how you pictured it all along.
It reminded me that, I have somewhere along the way stopped planning how my life should be or how I would want it to be... and that has made me live a freer life than I would have ever imagined...
Always wondered how will it be if I 'let go'... 'let go' of things that imprison me within myself... the compulsions and complications that I create for myself... is it really that hard to live life on your own terms or is it me who makes it all the more difficult to accept myself as I am...
My thoughts took me as far away as those days when I was a giddy headed girl who was too afraid to look beyond what she believed was right, and had blinders on, who didn't allow herself to look beyond her values and principles. A girl who would prefer killing herself from within rather than be open to experiences...
Well I have come a long way from those days, life has taught me some bitter lessons and put me inside a shell which was hard to break... but the same life has now helped me embrace experiences, which I wouldn't normally even consider.
So today I accept the fact that I am an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am afraid of being hurt, but that doesn't mean I will not put myself out there, I can love unconditionally and it is easier for me to express, more than some people, I am compassionate and I hurt as easily as I love, I can't face conflicts, or even ask something that is due to me, I believe in the goodness of others and I am silent... I love the silence but at the same time crave for someone to listen to me and help me clear the webs that have been clogging many parts of my life, but I find it difficult to trust someone with my truths...
I felt happy thinking about the time we stared at the Taj Mahal from the Agra fort and imagined how it would be part of the huge crew that created the magnificent structure... and there was a strong urge that made me pick up the phone and call him... but it was a sign when he said he will call me back. That moment was all it took to remind me that my happiness doesn't depend on anyone, I don't have to always be able to share a moment with someone to make it better (even though it would be great)... the warmth in my heart is all I need to be feel good.. and it is time to make more and different memories...
Then my thoughts drifted to the future, well I don't know what that is going to bring... the only thing I can do is to hope, to have the strenght to face whatever comes with a smile.
Falling in love is so easy... but sustaining the love is the hard part. How do you get out of your own selfish need to be loved or your love to be reciprocated and not think about the larger picture? Well that is what the next chapter of my life is going to teach me. Another truth to accept...
Getting ready for the next phase of my life, I kept telling myself you have 'let go', which may have not been completely true, but all it actually took was sitting in silence and readying myself to accept whatever comes my way, sitting on the steps of Rani Ki Vov...
No comments:
Post a Comment