New Year 2013

Dear friend,
Thanks for being a part of my life this past year. Another year has gone by, in a blink of an eye... well it was one of the most topsy turvy year I have ever experienced...
People came into my life and many of them are here to stay, some changed their labels and some moved away, some came back but many remained...
My best friend got married and I invited another person in my life... some people unknowingly gave me more happiness than I could imagine, while some caused me pain. Few lost important people in their lives, and some stood up for me in my darkest moments. Many celebrated the first anniversary of their love, some brought little bundles of joy into the world....
I cried, I laughed... but most of all I had you people around me.
Now for the next year that lies infront of us, I wish everyone of you and your families, loads of love, health and blessings... hope all your dreams come true.
Many of you are going to begin a new phase of your life, wish you luck for your future...
Lots of love and luck for the new year,
Sue

Christmas day 2012

Christmas is supposed to be the most magical day of the year... it is this day, that people look forward to every year... the sentiments and traddition that go along with it, have been built for ages together.
We have our own tradditions at home, pork is cooked and everyone enjoys it... on Christmas eve we go to Church and celebrate Jesus's birth. Then in the morning its resting and eating pork from breakfast to dinner... and then the evening is spent in receiving guests, meeting grandparents and distrubuting sweets to our neighbours.
But in the last 5 years tradditions have changed... as people were added to our family of 3; our priorities changed and as my brother moved away, people who were added broke away and our family somehow came closer together.
This year's Christmas may have not been the warmest... it was one of the worst ones compared to the past years but somehow the only thing that makes me feel Christmasy is not the carols, nor the crib or my beautiful Christmas tree... but the people I surround myself with ~ my friends, who every passing day become more like family to me and an irreplaceable family. And I am ever grateful to God for bringing them into my life, and only thing I can do is hope that they will be there with me for the years to come, with the additions and subtractions that life naturally carries along with it...
Wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a lovely new year 2013.

Quote... unquote...

I am lucky to have wonderful people around me... friends who have always been there and have been very influential in my life... over the years I have realised they have told me things that have had a huge impact on my life... 
The following are some of the things my friends have said to me... hopefully all quotes will have the exact dates....

People come and people go from our lives... they make a mark, irrespective of what happens to the relationships... what is important is that you know that whether you keep in touch or not... some friends are always there when you need them... so stop missing and start smiling... move on in life... stop turning back every now and then... keep turning though but once in a while to check that they are still there... take care... - P R (now S), 29th October 2010 - via SMS - trying to make me feel better as I was leaving the organisation.


The joy in gifting someone is also in the pain of going through the ordeal of choosing, packing and delivering it on time... - me... August 2012, describing to G why I love giving gifts...(just made it more descriptive... the exact quote was much shorter... :))

Love is the positive force of life... love is the force that moves you... - 25th February 2011, Via SMS...

Important moment in PR's life will never forget it... - It seems like I am going to say 'yes'... I think... - PR, 8th June 2012, this was when she was contemplating saying yes to SS's proposal :) Eventually on 14th of August they tied the knot... :) - Via SMS

Hi, I am going to be a little late... Guess what... :) :* - PR, 9th June 2012, this was when the marriage was fixed... - happy memories - Via SMS

14th of August is the day... - PR, 14th June, the date was fixed... later I came to know, it was the start of many firsts! :)

Though it seems that I plan everything in life... but the fact is I take life as it is with a rational thought. I was expecting this by the way, as the motive was pure and I trust the power of love over all these minor glitches... - G, 19th June 2012, words that changed my life forever... :) - Via SMS

What is love after all... a feeling of having someone so close that their souls can whisper to each other; to align their mind in such a way that their bodies start breathing the same air... - G, 21st August 2012, was trying to find a better way to describe what love is than what I quoted.... what is love after all but trusting the unknown... - Marty Rubin...

Your best days are yet to come... - G, numerous times... his intuition/prediction for my life... 

Why do we always hope that the bad things pass... if it does then we will not be able to enjoy Pranali's wedding also na... it also is happening during this time... so lets just live through it, rather than hoping that it passes... - words of wisdom by AP, 13th August 2012, giving me gyaan on why I should not wish that the bad phase (that was going on parallel to PR's wedding) should not just disappear... 

This is how I feel about you!

The more I look for you, the more I find.

I don't know when it will go away, but I know that I don't want it to be now.

Just walk with me for all times sake, till the sign on the road says otherwise.

Our hearts and minds will never want the same thing, but all I know for now, is that I want you!

It will be difficult my love, to take the road which doesn't have you, but take it from me, it will be easier because I know that I have walked with you those few miles with a smile on my face.

It feels sad to remind you, that we are here for few days, but it doesn't stop me from loving you more that life itself.

You are my life and my love, and for at least now no one can take that away from me.

I don't give you the right, nor myself to make me feel unloved and unwanted, because I know that the whole truth is that I am the luckiest one here. No one can love me more purely and more limitlessness than you.

.............................

It is so beautiful to be surrounded by silence.
It speaks to you in so many different ways - it helps you imagine, it shapes you, it brings out what is in your deepest recesses and wants you to take charge.

Today when I am in the midst of silence, my own being challenges me, it makes me want to know myself better, be sure of what I am and why I do things.
I want to love myself and very funnily finding it the hardest to do, but eventually getting there. I am tearing myself between what I want and what I need to do, and its hard to accept reality!
I like being loved and thought of as beloved but at the same time, can not accept that its just a temporary phase. I want to give it a definition, even though every atom in my body tells me to go the other way, how do I tell you to stand up for me! to stand with me! and let us be rebels and renounce the world... I want to be with you, you are made for me, and I for you.
Its perfect the way we are to each other, there is no attachment, no necessity, no compulsion, but choice, and the willingness to be there, to see each other, to be with each other.
It is too strong to be ignored for me, do you understand? do you hear me in my silences? do you want it to be the way I picture it?
Please see it the way I do, picture it the way I do, understand what I feel and do not stop the emotions flowing, do not make your heart a stone but just love me like the way you do.

It is time to accept reality, live a lie till the reality can not be ignored. I know it will make me sad, but also know its temporary and will not last forever.
Love you true, love you always.

Taking the leap of faith...

Venice Italy

Writing down my thoughts actually are good... they make me realise there is something called as follow up... so here I go... first task in hand - learn Italian...

Learnt my first few phrases today!!! 

Now I can greet some one and be polite to someone in Italian... :)

The only thing left now is to keep going!!! :)

One of my favourite songs - I Believe in you by Don Williams

I don't believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don't believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can't get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.

But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.

Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He's down below, He's up above.
He's watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn't care.
And I'm an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.

But I believe in love.
I believe in music.
I believe in magic.
And I believe in you.

I know with all my certainty, 
What's going on with you and me, 
Is a good thing.
It's true, I believe in you. 

I don't believe virginity,
Is as common as it used to be. 
In working days and sleeping nights,
That black is black and white is white. 
That Superman and Robin Hood,
Are still alive in Hollywood.
That gasoline's in short supply,
The rising cost of getting by.

But I believe in love.
I believe in old folks. 
I believe in children.
I believe in you.

I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.


- - - - - - - - - 


Listen to it... you will love it... :)

Time to fly...

It is time to fly... I have had one of the best experiences in my life in the past few weeks... I have broaden my horizons... been encouraged to see things differently and felt loved, immensely...

Staying away from my comfort zone for 2 weeks, was a challenge, I took up with an agenda... an agenda, where I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it - I can live without my mom, my friends who are just a knock or phone call away, my lovely baby, my bed and my knicknacks which provide me company whenever I feel lonely and down...

But I did it... and now its time to fly...

It is time to fly back home, meet everyone and tell them I missed them and happy that I am back... and I know they missed me too...  messages, the calls and and the come back soons!!!  said it all...

The time here in this strange city seemed to pass so slowly, but I experience the richness of it... I experienced people like I never did before... it does not change the way I feel about the city but it still gives it a benefit of doubt...

It is time to fly... its time to take what I got from here and roam the ends of the earth... I realised in these 10 days, that it is time for me to move out of what I feel most comfortable in and move away from everything I knew was the way it should be... it is time to find myself, it is time to spread my wings, to meet and experience people and to reach the potentialities that only I know exists...

It is time to fly... its time to come out of myself... stop looking at what the future holds for me, but live in the moment... to understand how precious I am... how much love I can give and still have loads left inside of me... to understand how beautifully God has created me and actually feel it and just live the life he has given me, without asking, why this Lord, why not that?

It is not easy to give up control, but as I learnt, sometimes things are meant to happen... we just meet people who affect us and we affect them in numerous and unseeming ways and when that actually turns out to be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to you, you will never realise until the time has passed and you look at it from an outsider's perspective...

It is time to fly...  it is time to test my limitations... it is time to take my spiritual journey and not get caught up in the routine of life... the challenge that I face today is to either give up control and just live life for others, or take a stand and live it on my terms... which I know is not possible.. therefore its time to find a mid way and not a compromise, it is time to take the most important decisions in my life for myself and not for the people I value.. because it I don't want to rationalise those decisions and say, it was for them... even though I will not blame them... because in my deepest recesses of my heart, I will always regret that I had to let go of people who actually brought the most happiness in my life...

Most importantly its time to fly home, to give a hug to my mom, be a part of my best friend's wedding, to go back to the routine of work and extra work!, and have fun being around people that I cherish, but always loving more than that what I am capable of...

The journey so far has been good, bad, ugly, happy, sad and full of bumping in and out of people... Looking forwards to more bumps... but as someone special once told me... the best and the most happiest moments in my life are yet to come...

And indeed, love is all around us... we just need to open our eyes...

Love

There are so many definitions of 'Love' and I only knew and experienced only a part of it and did not know I could love again. But today I can proudly say that love has many facets and today my definition of love has changed.
For me today Love is freedom, without expectations, unconditional and understanding... it has no boundaries, it only has a starting point, which you will never find and it goes on and on and on... 

Someone recently described their love for me as -  "eternal, abysmal, deep, secure, immense, powerful, colourful, pure, sweet, beautiful, careful, sexy, naughty, nasty, sober, calm, cheerful, unbounded, free yet confined in you... but, love cannot be measured."
And surely I cannot find a better way to describe my love for him, even though I know this love needs to be submerged, I will always cherish it and love again.

I do not know how we are at this cross roads right now, but I love him most of all because he loves me for who I am, and because loving him has made me love me and love my soul. 
Most of all I would like to thank him for freeing me, because of that freedom I can imagine, laugh without inhibition and most importantly can write down my thoughts.

Love you always, love you forever, love you for what you are and what you will be tomorrow, and love you most because I got to experience your love for me. :)

First attempt of the New Year!!!

Again, I find it difficult to pen down my thoughts... this is my first attempt to write down what I am feeling!

It has been a difficult start to the year... actually fun interspersed with sadness and right now sadness is winning!

I am trying my hardest, to get over it... to move on... forget it... look at the sliver lining... but its difficult to do all of the above...

Right now the only voice in my head is telling me to smile, to go out of my way to be happy and to embrace and cherish the people who actually reciprocate what I feel for them... this actually feels so funny even to write; it just makes me realise that every dream I had in the last 4 odd years, have just vanished... and now its up to me, to write and weave new dreams!

So even though I do not want to weave new dreams, because I do not want them to perish without seeing the light of day, I have to do so!! I have to make my self get out of the melodramatic scene that has been created in my life right now and rise to the occasion... I need to show myself that I am the independent, fun loving, mature, dynamic; person that I always knew I was...

This new year gives me the opportunity to rediscover who actually I am... and rightly so, I shall do that!!!