May be everything has an expiry date. A day when you realise, enough is enough and its time to move on and not look back. Looking back can only turn you into a pillar of salt and nothing else can come out of it.
I have given away my love and it has been returned every time, and each time with a different caveat. Ranging from running out of love, to having other priorities, to the most plain and simple reason, that they don't want to commit to me.
The days when I feel a need for someone to write me a love letter and make me feel loved, I get notes that tell me how they love me, but they choose to do nothing about it. The feeling that it elicits is plain and simple - pain. Pain in my heart and in my soul. It feels like someone has punched me in the stomach and left me wriggling on the floor...
Is there something missing in what I put out there, that it is never returned with the same intensity as me? Is there something missing in me, that they don't feel that they can run with what we have?
I never have, nor will question the intensity of what I feel, or what they felt. But what is that one ingredient that I have been missing all along.
I have evolved and am a stronger person, than even a year ago. But why do I still feel vulnerable? Why am I the one hurt and left alone at the end of it?
I am done, done with all the heart break and disconnecting. I have loved passionately, and truly and if they can't see it, maybe they didn't deserve it all along.
How many times should I tell myself, that I need to come out of this ditch I call 'Love'. But this heart that is made to love, doesn't understand. It is designed in such a way, that nothing can change it. It is made to love and love with all its might. It is build to withstand all the hurt and neglect. It is been toughed, each time it rebuilds itself.
The only thing that comes to mind are the words from Damien Rice's version of "I still haven't found what I am looking for" - 'Star teach me how to shine, shine; Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind; 'Cause I don't understand these people"
Will pull up my sleeves, that much I know, because I still have a long way to go and will keep in mind that, "Suddenly you know... its time to start something new and trust the magic or new beginning" (a thought someone sent me on WhatsApp)
