Purpose

There is a lot of talk around me about knowing your purpose and following it passionately.

Well the one thing I could never understand is how to figure what 'my purpose' is! Is my career, is it my ventures with Fi or something so very different that I will never be able to figure it out! And it frustrates me.

Then Rajshree happened. She is Priya's (my boss) friend and was invited to talk to us about her work and help us figure some of the issues we face. She got us to define passion but just touched on purpose, but didn't really dwell on it too much. 

Rajshree made me curious, it was high time I needed to understand what my purpose was, and the time was now.

So I went scavenging, trying to understand who I am, and what I see myself doing and check the trends that different situations have created.

The last clue, which I think has lead to my discovery was reading Fi's blog. 

I think, my purpose is to encourage, to encourage others to do the best they can and listen and be there for them, when they need some support.

Until I actually discover what my real purpose is, I think I am going to stick to this one. 

I don't think this is a bad 'purpose' for someone to follow and be passionate about :)

Expiry date

May be everything has an expiry date. A day when you realise, enough is enough and its time to move on and not look back. Looking back can only turn you into a pillar of salt and nothing else can come out of it.

I have given away my love and it has been returned every time, and each time with a different caveat. Ranging from running out of love, to having other priorities, to the most plain and simple reason, that they don't want to commit to me. 

The days when I feel a need for someone to write me a love letter and make me feel loved, I get notes that tell me how they love me, but they choose to do nothing about it. The feeling that it elicits is plain and simple - pain. Pain in my heart and in my soul. It feels like someone has punched me in the stomach and left me wriggling on the floor...

Is there something missing in what I put out there, that it is never returned with the same intensity as me? Is there something missing in me, that they don't feel that they can run with what we have?

I never have, nor will question the intensity of what I feel, or what they felt. But what is that one ingredient that I have been missing all along.

I have evolved and am a stronger person, than even a year ago. But why do I still feel vulnerable? Why am I the one hurt and left alone at the end of it? 

I am done, done with all the heart break and disconnecting. I have loved passionately, and truly and if they can't see it, maybe they didn't deserve it all along. 

How many times should I tell myself, that I need to come out of this ditch I call 'Love'. But this heart that is made to love, doesn't understand. It is designed in such a way, that nothing can change it. It is made to love and love with all its might. It is build to withstand all the hurt and neglect. It is been toughed, each time it rebuilds itself. 

The only thing that comes to mind are the words from Damien Rice's version of "I still haven't found what I am looking for" - 'Star teach me how to shine, shine; Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind; 'Cause I don't understand these people"

Will pull up my sleeves, that much I know, because I still have a long way to go and will keep in mind that, "Suddenly you know... its time to start something new and trust the magic or new beginning" (a thought someone sent me on WhatsApp) 

And we all are moving on

SN and PM have moved to Bangalore. CA is busy preparing for her engagement. AP is preparing for her MBA entrance. And in simple words, our lives are changing.
It was a 15 days farewell, starting from Kashid and ended when we said goodbye to PM.
Well, what do we do now? We just have to move on.. we need to be in different cities and continue to be in touch.
Where will be when each one is ready to start another chapter in their lives? we do not know.
But we have vows that we have made to each other to keep us together.
We cry and feel sad today, because we miss what we had for so many years. But we know that the tomorrow that follows will be brighter, because of what we experienced yesterday.
Love you guys and best of luck. I will he here, just a phone call away. 

Friends, a glass of whiskey and conversations

It's time for all 4 of us to start our individual journeys. Well it started in December, when I quit the one entity that brought us all together - our place of work.
But it didn't hit me till I realised that, SN was now also moving on.
AP will be on her way soon, followed by CA.
All of us will be leading different lives by this time next year. I will read this post and smile when I think of the last time we all were together.
Will miss our conversations and our rituals. We were 4 different individuals, who had a different relationship, with each other and a different, dynamic as a group.

We will always have our mad times, our drives into the unknown. Our walks through south Bombay's lanes and most of all, our laughs and snorts.

We had a world of our own. Thank guys for giving me memories and expanding my mind.

Down memory lane

Today's day was full of nostalgia..
Passed peddar road and recalled all the times the D'Souza clan, walked towards Marble Arch.
The trip to Lamington Road, reminded me of Dipti and our trips to the Comet's office. And most of all took me back to the summer we went to Shillong and Gulbarga.
Walking towards Crystal, which is a quaint little place opposite Girgaum Chowpatty, I thought about how Chitra and me explored that part of town.
Then came Nair and it took me back to the experiences shared collectively with my friends in the university. And the lovely experience shared only by Wil and me. It was the period of time, that me feel on the top of the world and a start of many firsts - love, heart break, understanding, happiness and vacuums that are created when love no longer exists.
Passing by Navjeevan co-op society, took me back to my research days. I have been part of interesting researches, but sadly, the work took so much out of us, that we couldn't always enjoy it.

Passing through all these places, took me to spaces in my past that meant so much to me. Made so much difference to my life and somehow has contributed to who I am today.
Life has a way of picking you up, every time you are down.
Hope and dreams are for the future, but look back sometimes to all those hopes and dreams, which are now part of our past. I did that today. It indeed felt great!

Hope

Was talking about hope to piglet today and just thought of you.

You gave me hope, where I thought there was none. From that evening we went out, and at the end of which, I confessed how I felt about you, to the last time I spoke to you, the only thing you gave me is something to look forward to.
Well, you didn't do that only for me. As I discovered during a conversation with AP, you not only gave her something to look forward to, you gave SN also the same.

You are a wonderful man. Hope you have a wonderful and happy life ahead of you. Happy married life, my best friend.

Butterfly kisses

In the middle of all the fun and merry making, comes talks about the day you left our side without saying a word.
The day my world changed forever.
All I can feel right now, is you by my side.
I will miss dancing with you, on my wedding day. 

Butterfly kisses, I will miss you for ever and ever and ever...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwlAdEnT-do